Can't Stop Moving
by Nora West-Allen
Summary: A collection of related one shots about how Nora West-Allen deals with her form of Tourette's Syndrome. The one shots will not necessarily be in order and there may be a few unrelated to the others but I will note that at the top. Also this is my first time trying to write a character with tics but there should be more fics where characters have them.
1. Intangible Solutions

"Why can't you just let me relax!?" Barry heard his daughter's muffled shout come through the door to the loft. Barry and Iris exchanged glances as Barry turned they key in the lock and pushed the door open. They looked around, expecting to see someone else in the room but there was only Nora, lying on the couch. She had been really stressed out lately with their plans to catch Cicada so the team had insisted she go home and get some rest while they put the finishing touches on their next plan. She had finally relented. She currently had Netflix on the screen but she had paused her episode of Criminal Minds. Weirdly, the remote was on the floor, a good distance away from her, like it had been thrown. Nora, for her part, looked near tears and was pushing her head back as far into the cushion as it could go, her hands clamped onto the sides of it, like she was trying to restrain herself.

"Nora? Are you okay?" Iris asked concerned. The young woman looked up, having just noticed her parents.

"Where do you keep the heating pad?" she asked.

"In the closet, I'll go get it," she said and then walked down the hall. Barry kept looking worriedly at Nora who was now sitting up and rubbing the back of her neck with both hands. Actually, it was more like she was restraining her neck with both hands.

"What's up?" he asked her.

"I'm just having a tic attack, it's no big deal," she said. Then it dawned on him.

"Oh, you have Tourette's Syndrome," he said. "I didn't even realize."

"It's okay, most people don't," she said. "I have a really mild form. It's just been worse lately." He wasn't quite sure what to say. He wanted to make his daughter feel better but he also knew there wasn't much he could do, there was no cure for Tourette's.

"Is there anything that you usually do to calm them down?" he asked, sitting beside her.

"I used to be on medication for it and that would usually mute them but now my metabolism works too fast for them to have much effect," she said. "Hence the heating pad." Iris came back into the room at that moment and handed it over to her daughter. Nora immediately plugged it in and placed it on her neck and leaving back into it. She re adjusted her neck a few times, almost violently before finally finding the sweet spot. She closed her eyes bust started wringing her hands together. He noticed it was patterned, she moved her fingers a specific way. "Can you guys unpause the show for me?" she asked. "My wrists decided it would be a fun idea to snap downwards and I dropped the remote….well, threw it accidentally." She laughed but then her head jerked again and the laugh turned into a growl.

"Fuck!" she yelled. "Just stop already!" Iris was still standing m=by the couch and had a confused look on her face. Barry gave her a look that said "I'll explain later" and then turned to Nora.

"Is there anything we can do?" Barry asked.

"Not unless you can make my nervous system agree with me," she said dryly. Her hands clenched into fists, then un clenched, the repeated a few times before she balled them really tightly and sat on them.

"Can you guys please just give me some time alone?" she asked.

"Yeah, sure," Iris said, still confused but aware of her daughter's discomfort.

"Can you turn down the heat?" she asked as they were leaving. Barry quickly adjusted the thermostat before heading up the stairs.

"Okay, what was that?" Iris asked once they reached her bedroom.

"She has Tourette's Syndrome," he explained.

"I think I've heard of that," she mentioned. "It's that thing where kids make random uncontrollable movements right?"

"Sort of," Barry explained. "They're not entirely random though, normally you do something once and then you have an urge to repeat it, from there it can develop to become a recurring tic. And it's more like she has a strong urge to do or say something that is mentally difficult to hold off. Atleast, as far as I know, I haven't done a tone of research on the subject matter."

"But isn't it genetic? Neither of us have it," Iris asked.

"No one really knows what causes it, sometimes it runs in families but not always," Barry explained. "It can go away in adulthood but it's not curable. Medication sometimes helps but Nora said that now that she has speed her metabolism stops it from working."

"Oh my God, I feel so bad for her," Iris responded.

"She's used to it Iris," Barry said. "She doesn't need us to pity her, she just needs us to let her do what she needs to do. Follow her rules, everyone handles it differently."

"What are her rules?" Iris asked.

"I think we should save that conversation for tomorrow, stress usually makes tics worse," Barry said sitting down next to his wife. "She's going to have a rough night." Barry put his hand on hers and they shared a look. A look of two parents hating that their child was hurting.


	2. Blindsided

One moment I was stopping a meta human from robbing a bank, the next I was flying into a wall. I couldn't see anything, he'd caught me off guard. I cursed in my mind. I tried to focus but it wouldn't stop. I still couldn't see. I tried to stand up by pushing myself up the wall. When I righted myself I could see again but everything was wonky. I couldn't get a clear image but I could tell I was now alone in the room.

"XS where are you?" I heard Ralph's voice in my ear. I quickly tried to straighten my vision as I responded.

"I'm coming," I said. Then I sped out of the room and onto the street. It was just Ralph and I today, my dad was busy with something at work and this was a pretty low level matter, it didn't need all hands on deck. My mom was with us on the comms and Caitlin was on standby with Frost just in case. She didn't expect to need her at first but now she wasn't so sure.

I saw Ralph trying to restrain the meta by tying him up with his arm but this guy was slippery, literally. His skin was oozing something that lubricated the man enough that he could slip through almost anything.

"I could use a hand here," he called.

"Throw a lightning bolt!" Mom said in my ear. A nodded, even though she couldn't see me, and began to run in a vortex. I was just starting to move my arm to throw the bolt when it happened again. I tried to hold it off but I couldn't stop it. My eyes rolled up into my head and my vision was severely limited. Since I couldn't see where I was going I tripped and spun into a wall, the lightning flew off my hand and hit something. What it hit I didn't know. It certainly wasn't the meta. I could hear laughing. Once again I pushed myself up and tried to fight off my hazy vision. I could see Ralph pushing himself up too.

"What the hell?" he asked. "You were supposed to hit him not me!" Shit. I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. I had to get control or I was lose it completely.

"What happened?" my mom asked over the headset.

"He got away," Ralph said, frustration obvious in her voice.

"Just come back here and we can regroup," Iris said. "We can still track him down." I sped and grabbed Ralph and ran us back to the lab.

"Are you guys okay?" Caitlin asked.

"No, I just got hit with lightening," Ralph exclaimed.

"I thought your dad said that you could control that now," Iris said.

"I can," I exclaimed, trying not to cry. I felt horrible.

"So what? You just hit me for fun and threw yourself into a wall afterwards?" Ralph asked.

"I couldn't see anything," I said quietly. "That's why he threw me into the wall in the vault and why I lost control of my lightning outside."

"Did the meta do something to you?" Caitlin asked.

"No," I mumbled, not making eye contact. I glanced up quickly at my mom who had realization in her eyes.

"Guys, it's fine, we can still track him," she said.

"I think it's a job for the police now," Ralph said. "We're supposed to stop these guys before they commit crimes."

"I'll tell my dad what we know and see what he thinks," my responded. "For now why don't all of you just take a break." My eyes rolled back into my head as I nodded. I heard Ralph yelp. My eyes snapped back down, this time there wasn't much haze because it wasn't a long period of time.

"What?" Caitlin asked, having been looking the other direction.

"Sorry, Nora looked like a demon for a minute," he said. "Don't do that man, I forgive you for zapping me." I didn't say anything.

"Ralph!" Mom barked.

"What?" he asked. I had closed my eyes but I knew she was making her "shut up" face.

"I wasn't doing it on purpose," I said. "I think I look like a demon when I do it too but you're not in on the joke. So thanks for that." I said and then stomped out of the room. I know that he didn't know but I just needed a second to calm down.

"Nora!" my mom called, running after me. "Hey, Ralph didn't mean that."

"I know mom," I told her. "He didn't know."

"And I didn't tell him either, I wasn't sure if you'd want me to," she told me.

"I don't care if he knows, I just care that he understands," I told her.

"Understand what?" she asked. I took a breath.

"I make fun of my tics all the time," I said. " I crack jokes about my malfunctioning nervous system, I give my tics ridiculous names. I do actually call my eyes roll my demon tic, and I have another one called my chicken tic. Sometimes I have a complex tic called the crazy chicken demon. I know it sounds weird but it's just how I handle things. I can't make the tics stop but I can make them less than they are. But that's the point. I'm the one who does that, the one who chooses to do that."

"So even though you agree with Ralph you are upset because he said it without your permission," Mom realized.

"Yeah," I said. "I don't care if my friends crack jokes about me as long as I make the joke first. It's not the same for everyone but that's how it is for me."

"I understand," she said, putting her arms around me. I hugged her back. "But I'm glad that you're okay, you took a few spills today."

"I don't normally tic when I'm in the field," I said. "I guess I was just nervous not having Dad there."

"You know what happened wasn't your fault right?" Iris asked.

"No, it is," I said. "If I had been honest about what was going on I could have swapped out with Frost or worked with Ralph. My tics don't stop me from being a hero but it does mean that I have to be willing to do things a little bit different."

"So you're going to tell the team?" Mom asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, I'll talk to Ralph and Caitlin right now. They probably think something is wrong," I said. "I'm not afraid of people knowing that I have tics, I'm afraid of them thinking that it means I can't do everything I want to. But I know the team would never do that to me. You don't in the future and you shouldn't now." Mom smiled and walked back with me to the cortex to talk with Ralph and Caitlin. I never mind having this conversation, it's important for people to know, I just wished that it wasn't as conversation that I had to have at all. So, as I walked back into the cortex, I grabbed my moms arm, because I couldn't fight the urge to roll my eyes up once again.


	3. My Friend Has That

"Thank you," Cisco said to the barista handing him and Ralph their drinks.

"I basically run on caffeine at this point," Ralph joked, taking a drink.

"Well, glad you got your fill but we really do need to get to the Lab, we have training remember," Cisco said, taking a sip. Then there was a scream and Cisco basically snorted hot coffee. "Ow, ow, hot, hot," Cisco said. Ralph was looking towards the scream that has startled everyone. It hadn't sounded like a scream of terror, it was more like a quick hard yelp. His eyes found a woman who was blushing madly with a look of horror on her face.

"I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed, moving towards Cisco. "I'll go get napkins." Before he could say anything she ran off. Some people shot her annoyed looks but then went back to their daily lives.

"Uh, are you okay?" Ralph asked when the woman ran back and began padding Cisco with napkins.

"It's fine, I've got it," Cisco said to both of them.

"I was talking to her," Ralph said. "That was quite the sound you made.

"Sorry about that," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "I tried to suppress it but sometimes it slips out." She began blinking rapidly. "I'm just really nervous, I'm here for a job interview and when I get nervous-"

"You have a tic attack," Ralph finished. The woman looked slightly stunned.

"A friend of ours has a form of Tourette's," Cisco explained. "It's no big deal. Stuff happens."

"Thank you for being so understanding, most people just give me weird looks," she explained. "I'm Allison by the way."

"Cisco and this is Ralph," Cisco said, putting his hand out. Allison shook it, and then Ralph's outstretched hand. She smiled and then made a squeaking sound. She saw something out of the corner of her eye and turned.

"I think that's my interviewer," she said.

"Good luck with your interview," Ralph said.

"Yeah, we have to get to work but we come here a lot so maybe we'll see you again," Cisco told her. "Just breathe and you'll do fine."

"Thanks," she said and smiled, rolled her shoulders, took a deep breath and walked towards the man in the suit taking a seat in the corner.

"Come on we have to go," Cisco said. They headed out to Ralph's car since he had driven it there and Cisco didn't really want to try and get it through a breach.

"Sorry we're late," Cisco said.

"What took you so long? Why is your shirt stained?" Iris asked.

"Long story," Cisco said. "Sorry we're late."

"It's fine, just go help Nora get set up," she said. Cisco nodded and walked over to the female speedster. She had earbuds in when he was approaching and didn't see him. Next thing he knows Nora's elbow juts out. Cisco jerks away before it hits him. The movement caught Nora's eye and she whips around.

"Sorry Cisco!" she explained. "I didn't see you there."

"It's fine, you we're in your own space," Cisco said. "Let's just get you set up." Nora smiled and moved aside to give him room. It always felt good to be understood.


	4. Proximity

"Everyone ready for movie night?" Iris asked as the team entered the loft. Originally movie night had always been at Joe and Cecil's but since Jenna was born they'd been using the loft more often. Mostly due to the amount of baby things around the house.

"I brought the popcorn," Ralph said, holding up some bags.

"Great, let's get popping," Iris joked.

"Mom," Nora said shaking her head. "Stop trying to be cool."

"I didn't know bad mom jokes were a thing," Barry said.

"Trust me, you will," Nora said.

"Iris, can we set Jenna up with the baby monitor upstairs?" Cecile asked.

"Go for it," she replied. Cecile hurried up the stairs.

"Hey, where's Caitlin?" Barry asked.

"Oh, she had a thing," Ralph said. "She told us to not wait up."

"Okay, I guess I'll just text her later," Iris said.

"Okay, but seriously we should pop this," Cisco said after a moment. "Come on Ralph." Cisco and Ralph disappeared into the kitchen while Barry, Iris, Nora And Joe moved towards the living room.

"Who picked the movie this week?" Nora asked, plopping down in the middle of the couch. She sat cross legged and rested her head on her hands, her elbows were peached just above her knees.

"Cisco did," Barry said. Joe and Iris groaned.

"So basically some science fiction thing right?" Joe asked.

"Science fiction is cool though," Nora said.

"Yeah," Barry added.

"You two keep telling yourselves that," Iris lovingly joked.

"Okay, Jenna is all set up, movie time," Cecile said, coming back downstairs. She set the baby monitor on the coffee table and ten took a seat next to Joe on the loveseat. Barry as sitting in one of the chairs and Iris was sitting at his death for the moment, planning to move once the movie started. They all talked for a few minutes until the popping sounds from the kitchen stopped and Ralph and Cisco reappeared in the living room.

"Popcorn's ready!" Ralph exclaimed and Cisco passed out bowls.

"Thank you," Cecile said and the other's echoed her. After the popcorn was passed out, Ralph and Cisco took their seats. They ended up on either side of Nora on the couch. Nora immediately began shrugging her shoulders but no one batted an eye Cisco handed Iris the disk and she put the movie in and changed the input. When it was all set up and the previews started Iris took a seat in the other chair. She normally would have sat with Barry but it was a sci fi movie so she could fall asleep in the chair without worrying about Barry trying not to move.

After the third preview Iris let her eyes drift around the room but stopped when she saw Nora. She had an uncomfortable look on her face and she noticed that she had shifted her position when Ralph and Cisco sat down, now she was just sitting normally on the couch but she was tapping her ankles together repeatedly. She was also doing her regular shoulder roll except she was holding her arms a lot closer to her body than normal. Every once in a while she jerked in one direction or another. Iris didn't realize what was going on until Ralph passed Cisco another popcorn bowl by reaching over Nora and she pressed herself into the back of the couch. The moment their hand were gone Nora shot up, walked to the front of the coffee table and sat down on the floor in the same potion she had been in earlier and then looked up at the screen like nothing happened.

Iris saw Ralph and Cisco exchange confused looks and Joe and Cecile exchanged concerned ones. Barry and Iris shared a look of realization and silently agreed not to mention it. For the next half hour they just continued to watch the movie until Jenna started crying and they had to pause it while Joe and Cecile checked on her.

"Doesn't hurt your neck to look up at the screen like that?" Cisco asked.

"Yeah but my neck always hurts," she responded.

"Something wrong with the couch?" Ralph asked.

"No, I like the couch," Nora said. "I just forgot how much room we would need."

"You know, why don't we all move seats," Iris said. "Ralph, you and Cisco can take Barry and my chairs and us two and Nora can sit on the couch." Nora opened her mouth to say something but when she turned her head towards her mom and caught her eye she stopped.

"I'm fine with that," Nora said before pushing herself up. "I'm going to get my travel pillow first though, my neck is killing me."

"Uh, sure I guess," Ralph said. Nora, Joe and Cecile all came back down stairs a minute later. Jenna had managed to fall back asleep somehow. If Joe and Cecile noticed the change in seating they didn't say anything. Barry was now sitting in the far corner of the couch with his arm around Iris who was half laying on him. They took up most of the left side of the couch but the right side was completely open. Nora, now with her travel pillow around her neck, took a seat on the far right side of the cough, once again in the same position. The movie started up again without another word and even though Nora's more annoying tics persisted, her arm and shoulder ones had calmed down for the moment she shared a look with her parents and smiled.


	5. A Lesson in the Neuroatypical

**I am not a doctor, all of the following information comes from personal experience or online research and may not be entirely accurate (but it will not be inaccurate either)**

**Also, Caitlin literally a neurosurgeon. Literally. She would know FAR more about this than I would so while this information is accurate to the best degree that it can be from me, if Caitlin Snow were real, she would probably explain it differently. I like to think she's explaining it in terms that everyone understands so just go with it. That is also why Nora talks a lot, she actually has it and explains it differently.**

"Hey Caitlin, can we talk to you for a second?" Barry asked quietly, motioning between him and Iris.

"Yeah, sure, what's going on?" she asked.

"We just, found out something about Nora that we want to know more about," Iris said.

"What does that have to do with me?" Caitlin asked.

"She has a form of Tourette's Syndrome," Barry quickly explained.

"What's Tourette's Syndrome?" Ralph asked loudly, having been eavesdropping on the conversation.

"Wait I've heard of that from somewhere," Cecile said thoughtfully. Barry and Iris exchanged glances.

"Why are we talking about this?" Cisco asked.

"Nora has it," Ralph said.

"Ralph!" Iris scolded.

"What? You guys we're talking about in a room full of people, how much of a secret was it?" he asked.

"We asked Caitlin quietly if we could talk to her about it later," Barry said.

"Talk about what?" Nora asked, stepping into the room. As soon as she stopped moving she crouched down into a squat, placing her fingertips on the ground to steady herself, rocking slowly forwards with her upper half. No one said anything but there were a few weird looks.

"What? This?" Nora asked. "It's just a weird complex tic."

"A what?" Joe asked.

"A tic is basically a repetitive motion, movement or action that is difficult if not impossible to suppress or control, usually preceded by a strong urge to do said motion," Caitlin explained.

"Okay, and why do you have a tic?" Ralph asked.

"Oh, now I remember what Tourette's Syndrome is!" Cecile exclaimed.

"Uh what?" Nora asked casting a questioning look at her parents.

"We had some questions for Caitlin and Ralph overheard us," Barry admitted. "We're so sorry."

"It's fine, I don't really care that much. I'd just rather you talk about it in front of me," Nora said, standing up from her squat. She began stretching her wrists instead, coupled with her usual neck tic.

"Okay, so does that mean I can finally find out what the heck Tourette's Syndrome is?" Ralph said.

"I mean I can tell you, or Caitlin can I guess, she's a doctor, she's probably more qualified than I am." Nora said.

"I researched Tourette's in college but it's been awhile since I worked on that specifically," Caitlin admitted. "But it's still in my field of study so I think I can handle it."

"Okay, well, basically, Tourette's Syndrome is a neurological disorder that usually starts at a young age and a basic diagnosis happens when someone has at least one motor tic, a physical movement, and one vocal tic, a sounds from the mouth for more than a year at least. Just to be clear I did say neurological, not mental, though some insurances still classify it as one but don't get me started on that." Nora said before continuing. "I actually don't officially have Tourette's Syndrome, I have a related disorder called Chronic Motor Tic Disorder or CMTD, at least that's what I call it. It's similar, the only real difference is that I don't have vocal tics, just motor ones. It's easier to just say I have a form of Tourette's. Some people say that CMTD is also less constant or less severe but that has not been my experience. Tourette's ranges in levels of severity just as much as other tic disorders."

"Not that you're bitter," Ralph commented

"I regret nothing," Nora said. "I don't remember a time when my neck wasn't in constant pain." Almost immediately she jerked her head back and winced.

"Then just stop jerking your neck like that," Ralph said.

"Have you even been listening?" Iris asked.

"Well, yeah, but I just meant, maybe you could do something else in place of that, something that hurts less but is similar," he defended.

"He actually has a point," Caitlin said. "People who have tics tend to try and alter their more painful or annoying tics into something more subtle. It usually has a close enough feeling to the original that it satisfies the urge but it's not quite so violent."

"Yeah, I used to do that with my neck actually," Nora admitted. "It's one of my oldest tics, for a while I was able to do a head roll instead but then it dropped off for a while. When it came back the roll was gone. It's still not as bad as it was but a fourth graders body takes tic abuse better than mine does currently." She jerked and winced a gain, a few times actually.

"For a lot of people, being reminded of a specific tic can trigger it," Caitlin said, explaining Nora's sudden tic attack. "Specific situations or events can be reminders and thus, triggers as well."

"Interesting," Cecile said. "What kind of situations?"

"They usually get worse when I have to go in front of people because then I know everyone can see them," she said. "There was this girl in school who used to make fun of a specific tic of mine so whenever I saw her I would remember it and do it. She was just a jerk, I don't really care but that's an example."

"Whoa, that's kind of trippy and I don't know why," Cisco said.

"Wait, so why do you have it?" Ralph asked. There was a pause.

"It's hereditary," Nora said. "We think...mostly." The room was filled with confused looks.

"Well, we're not really sure, there's a lot of research into it but most of it isn't really conclusive," Caitlin clarified. "It does tend to run in families though so we're pretty confident that it is at least partially hereditary. There is some research that suggests it is connected to genes in Chromosomes 13, 4 or 8. There is also a theory involving Group A beta-hemolytic streptococcus which the bacterium that causes strep throat. It is also known to cause other movement disorders so it's a possibility."

"Okay, so I didn't understand most of that but I'm pretty sure it meant that you don't really know, you just think," Joe said.

"Correct," Caitlin said.

"Except, you're pretty sure it's hereditary," Barry said quietly.

"Which means it's our fault," Iris finished.

"It's no ones fault," Caitlin said.

"Yeah, it's just genetics," Nora said. "I also got super speed because of my genetics, it's a lottery. And like Caitlin said, it could be related to streptococcus."

"I know that you're right but..." Barry trailed off.

"Look, guys, I don't blame you," Nora said. "It just happens sometimes. My tics piss me off but that's more in the abstract. It's not your fault." Barry and Iris nodded but didn't say anything. There was a brief pause.

"Is that neck tic your worst one?" Cisco asked, trying to break the silence.

"I think so, but there are a few that leave me temporarily immobile," Nora admitted. "They kind of vary in severity and which tics I have tend to ebb and flow."

"Most people have tics in similar categories, a lot of them may even share tics but they can also be pretty unique," Caitlin said. "There are a few different types of tics, and different categories of them."

"Like what?" Iris asked.

"Well, there are two types of tics, well, besides the motor versus vocal types, but that's not what I mean." Nora said, Barry gave her a look something akin to 'breathe' before she continued, "Right sorry. I mean, there are simple tics and complex tics. Simple tics are things that really only require the movement of one set of muscles. They are usually obvious and probably what most people associate with tics, at least on the motor end. These would be things like eye movements, winking, blinking, eye rolling, without the movement of the eyebrows. Shoulder shrugging is also one I've seen a lot. Also, head jerking like my neck tic. Some simple vocal tics are things like throat clearing, sniffing or grunting. I don't have any of those but I know people who do."

"What about complex tics?" Joe asked.

"Complex tics are usually tics that look purposeful and last longer," Caitlin chimed in. "Like, people touching or clothes adjusting."

"I do both of those, actually, it was my clothes adjusting that first made mom realize that something was off and try to get a diagnosis," Nora said. "I don't really like leggings because they trigger it. I also have a friend who can't wear long sleeve shirts or sweaters."

"That is also where some of the categories come in, there is echopraxia," Caitlin said.

"The repetition of another person's behavior or movements," Nora defined.

"The vocal tic counterpart is echolalia which is the same things but with speech," Caitlin said. "Then there is also palilalia which is repeating one's own words."

"Then there is the lesser know lexilalia which is repeating words after you've read them," Nora said. "And finally, copropraxia and coprolalia." The moment she said coprolalia her face got angry.

"Uh, so I take it you have that?" Ralph asked, trying to interpret her anger.

"No I most certainly do not!" Nora exclaimed.

"Okay, so what is coprolalia?" Cecile asked.

"And why does it piss you off so much?" Ralph added.

"Because it's a stereotype," Barry chimed. Eyes turned to him. "What? I'm not an expert but I still know enough about Tourette's Syndrome to be helpful."

"Barry is right," Caitlin said. "Copropraxia is a motor tic that is basically making obscene gestures but coprolalia is a similar vocal tic."

"It's a tic that has you saying obscene things, potentially swear words," Nora jumped in. "It is certainly a possibility with Tourette's Syndrome but it is not a requirement. It only happens in about ten to fifteen percent of people with Tourette's Syndrome. For some reason, however, the media decided that uncontrollable swearing was the funniest thing ever and now any time you see someone with Tourette's represented in the media, their main tic is swearing!"

"That kind of sucks," Cisco said.

"Yeah!" Nora explained. "There are a few times that there is an accurate character with Tourette's but it is few and far between and usually on the news or reality shows or something. If you actually have coprolalia then you actually have coprolalia but even then you have other tics too, it is not the be all end all of Tourette's Syndrome and related disorders people. It just pisses me off! Okay, now I'm done." She took a breath.

"Well, okay the, I think we've learned enough for now," Iris said.

"Wait, I actually have one more question," Joe said.

"What is it?" Caitlin asked.

"Is there a cure?" he asked.

"No," Barry said. "I already checked."

"Yeah, there are treatments, but no cure," Caitlin said.

"Sometimes it goes away once you reach adulthood but that didn't happen for me, it really just depends," Nora said. "But it's been my whole life, I'm used to it." No one said anything for a long time after that.


	6. Relief

Relief

My heart was racing and panic was beginning to set in. I watched the new rogues executing the plan they had made under my nose. The irony of them double crossing me before I could do the same. I tried to keep my breathing steady. I looked to my fellow captives, innocent people who should not have been involved in this situation. This was all my fault. I wasn't thinking clearly. I tried anything, pulling my arms up, trying to get out of the cuffs dampening my powers and holding me to a chair. The more I tried, the more I became aware that I was stuck. Suddenly all of my focus was inward. I couldn't get out of this situation on my own and I couldn't rely on my family to save me this time. Maybe ever again.

All I wanted to do was move. Be free. My brain was screaming at me to do something, anything, as I held back tears. I tried to push myself up in the chair to get some form of relief but I just ended up falling over. Weather Witch aimed her staff at me as Queen Bee pulled me back up. I glared at them but the scrunch of my face probably made it less intimidating and I grunted in frustration. I flexed my fingers as much as I could, hoping to bend it just right to accomplish an acceptable alteration. It only made the mental screaming worse. Then I heard it. A voice. Telling me to breath. I saw the man to my right glance at me and I held his gaze. He nodded his head almost imperceptibly. My hands jerked again and I rammed back in my seat. Weather Witch yelled at me to be quiet upon hearing the sound of the chair scraping across the ground.

Almost instantly, I let out a sound that could only be described as a hu. My eyes went wide. It happened three more times. Weather Witch lost it. She turned on me, staff raised again. She growled at me to shut up. I stared at her, gulping in place of the sound. It hadn't been permanent. The gulping wouldn't be either. Sometimes you just get that moment where stress or panic or something builds up inside of you and you build it up in your head. You don't even know if the result is real or just imagined. Forced upon you by yourself. But in that moment, it feels real. In that moment you worry that there will be no going back. I gulped again. I could feel a tear welling in my eye. Gulp. Gulp. Hu. Shit. Weather Witch didn't say anything that time. She was too busy focusing on the appearance of The Flash. Something was off though. My mind focused outward again. I noticed the man next to me moving out of his seat, cuffs removed. The next instances were full of movement and thinking on my feet and my body felt calm even with the adrenaline pulsing through it. I wasn't alone anymore.

It had never felt so good to be free. I threw my arms apart the first moment I could. Did it several time actually. My family was there with me the whole time. My dad had tried to help me calm down in an impossible situation. After I talked with him and mom, explaining why I had been there, what I was doing, their eyes lingered on me. There was a question there. I told them I was okay. Then I belly rolled and flicked my eyes. It was fine. The screaming stopped. So did the hus and the gulps. I felt relief.


	7. Frustration

Iris arrived home later than planned that day. She had told Barry and Nora to eat dinner without her. Then she'd gotten a meta alert but Cisco was already at the lab so he'd said he would handle it. Iris would have objected but she didn't think she had the energy. It had been a long day for her, typing, editing, researching. It was hard getting your own business up and running. She was kind of looking forward to coming home to her family but she didn't expect either of them to be home with the meta alert going off. So, Iris was surprised when she opened the door to find her daughter sitting on the couch.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked, dropping her bad and jacket near the door. "I thought you'd be kicking meta ass with your dad."

"Yeah, can't quite run straight right now," Nora said, sighing. As iris walked towards the couch she saw what she meant. Nora's head was going in every direction, she was clenching her jaw and her eyes were rolling into her skull. Over and over. Her face was turning red and her hands were holding onto her neck.

"Do you need your pillow? Or the heating pad?"

"I already tried," she grumbled, eyes glancing up to meet hers.

"I'm sorry," Iris said, sitting down next to her daughter. "It must be hard."

"It's certainly not a pleasant experience," Nora joked, cracking a smile.

"I understand," Iris responded. In an instant the smile was gone.

"No offence mom, but no you don't," Nora said, sitting straight to look at her. "You can sympathies with me, you can help me out and you can research all you want but at the end of the day you don't know what it's like to be me."

"Well, no but I just meant-"

"I know what you meant!" Nora said, more firmly than before. "I understand that you are here for me and that you think you know what I'm going through but you don't. You never will. You have no idea what it's like to feel like you don't have control over your own body. You don't know what it's like to have someone to tell you to just try and stop like it's the simplest thing in the world."

"Nora I-"

"No, stop," Nora said. "I'm not mad that you said it but you need to know that it doesn't help me any when you say that to me. Maybe for some people it does nut not for me. Okay? You don't get to tell me that you know how I feel. I'm in pain almost every day. I've scared myself into thinking I've hurt myself. I do things that I know will hurt me because I know that they will hurt me and my body says that's the right thing to do. My own body attacks me daily and I feel like I can't even complain about it."

"What do you mean?" Iris asked, placing a hand on her daughter's back but remaining otherwise silent.

"I have a mild case," Nora said. "It's not even full Tourette's, it's just easier to say that. My tics aren't debilitating. They don't make me drop everything that I'm doing and fall to the ground. I don't scream my inner thoughts without filter. I've never been picked on because of them. Mine are hardly noticeable to people. I've had friends for years who didn't know until I brought it up. If I didn't say anything, no one would know. I could just sit here and suffer in silence forever and it's not fair." Nora started crying. Not from anything in particular. Just pent up frustration mostly but Iris was still there to hold her as she cried into her shoulder. She gave her a good hug, remembering that that could help calm her tics down. Iris could feel her head buck against her neck, it only made her cry harder. After about a minute she was done. She sniffed and pulled her head back up.

"I'm sorry mom," she said. "You really didn't do anything. I'm just really fed up with my body tonight."

"I- That makes sense," Iris said, catching herself. Nora may have only blown up out of frustration but she was also right. As long as a day as Iris had, Nora would probably prefer her day than her own in terms of exhaustion. Nora smiled.

"Thanks," she said, leaning on her moth in a light side hug. "I think I'm going to take a shower. Sometimes that helps." Iris nodded.

"Okay, if you need anything let me know," she said as she watched her daughter walk away. She could never understand what her daughter felt but she would make damn sure that she never felt alone.


	8. Chirp

It had only been a temporary vocal tic. She'd had it off and on for maybe a month. It didn't even happen every day and if it did it usually didn't happen twice. Nora hadn't had full blown Tourette's, just a motor tic disorder so making sounds was uncommon for her. Barry and Iris had seen how subconscious the sound made her. They would be at Jitters getting a coffee and the door would open creating a chill and there she would go. *Chirp*. A few heads would turn to look at her in confusion and she would quickly shove her drink into her face and pretend she didn't exist. When Barry and Iris asked her about it she said that it was fine and it didn't happen that often, other people had it a lot worse. Still, they knew it bothered her.

They knew because she would always joke about how even her closest friends never knew she had tics. They just thought she was ADHD, which she was but that's not the point. The point was, she had this struggle but it was a private one. A torment that she had to deal with on her own, no matter how much her family and friends tried to understand and help her. She was only annoyed with herself, with the pains in her joints, eyes, face, basically anywhere she ticked. It was her own private hell, only now it wasn't private anymore. People noticed her, they saw her and they wondered what she was doing. She wasn't used to people noticing her, not for her tics anyway. She'd gone almost her whole life without a vocal tic and suddenly her body was in overdrive.

Barry and Iris pretended not to notice, if she was ticking more than normal they would offer solutions but they never specified what tipped them off. They suspected that she knew anyway but they had come to a mutual understanding not not mention it. She would bring it up if she wanted to. She only did once when it slowly happened less and less.

Nora had confided in Iris that she didn't know if it was even a real tic or if she was scared of it and building it up in her head, making it happen so she would seem worse than she was even if she didn't want to have it. Iris hadn't understood what she meant. If Nora didn't want to have it then it was a tic. Nora didn't look convinced. She had said that she felt like a fraud. She didn't have Tourette's she only said she did to get the point across. Even if she did, her tics weren't as bad as so many people she had seen. She felt like sh didn't deserve to complain about her disorder. She didn't really know. She thought that whatever it had started as it was a real tic now. It came without an urge, well, it did but it was so quick she couldn't even suppress it and she couldn't duplicate the sound on her own. It confused her. It scared her. Even worse she believed she did it to herself.

Iris didn't know what to say to that to make her feel better. Maybe she should have, maybe she did know what to say but didn't because Nora wasn't really asking. It's hard dealing with something like that on your own, it's hard feeling like your body and mind are attacking you. Iris couldn't imagine being unsure of her own thoughts and actions. Iris didn't think Nora caused it herself but if Nora didn't even know how could Iris. Maybe that's why she said nothing, maybe that's why she just gave her daughter a hug as she cried into her shoulder.

After Nora was gone, Iris wished she had said something, something to make it go away so she would leave in peace. Barry told her that the only person that could have helped Nora was Nora. He wanted to help her too but there were some things she felt like she had to deal with on her own even if she was wrong. Even if they would have done everything in their power to make her feel less powerless in her own body. Nora should have asked for help but the thing is, she still might not have gotten the answers she was searching for, or maybe she would have. Now she would never know. All Barry and iris knew was that they would give anything just to hear her chirp one more time.


	9. I Laughed

I felt a tinge of pain in my wrist as I walked out of the freight elevator with my coworker.

"Did you hurt it?" one of my managers asked as I was walking by.

"Nah, I just ticked myself to death." The look on his face was comical.

"What?" he asked.

"I ticked myself to death." He just looked confused. He clearly missed the Tourette's memo. My coworker just started laughing.

"What did you just say?" she asked.  
"I ticked myself to death."

She kept laughing

"I love that you can just joke about it."

"Gotta find the good right?"

*Pah*

"What? You got a cough or something?" my classmate asked me. It could have been innocent, if she hadn't been looking at me and laughing a little as she said it. I sighed.

"It's just a tic," I mumbled.

"My aunt has something like that, deteriorating nerve damage. I joke about it all the time, she's super embarrassed about it." I bristled.

"Yeah, it sucks."

"Okay, so you need to have big smiles, really get into it, move around a lot!" my band director was explaining, waving his hand around in exaggerated motions. "Woah, maybe not that active. What's going on with him? He has Tourette's! Oh!" His hand immediately flew over his mouth. The whole class was laughing. Even my best friend. I talked to him after class. Made sure he knew about me. He did. He apologized.

"Yeah, okay. Just making sure."

"I don't understand early education math classes! They teach us the strangest way to teach kids to do math! It makes no sense!" my dorm mate exclaimed.

"What do they have you do?" another girl asked.

"They have us do this stupid circle thing! The first part is easy but the second part makes no sense and I have to explain it all! I'm studying all night, step one, I need coffee, step two, redbull, step three, that's when the Tourette's set in." The last part was accompanied by a rapid blinking motion.

"Please don't," I said in the silence directly after. There was a pause for a moment before she spoke again.

"So, it's uh…" she was kind of just staring confused. I picked up my jacket and stormed out of the room. My roommate yelped as I slammed the door to our room.

"Uh, hi Nora," Lia said from her bed where she had textbooks and notes scattered everywhere. "You good?"

"Frances made a Tourette's joke right in front of me!"

"She what?"

"Yeah, know your fucking audience Frances! I get it, people make those jokes but don't do it in fucking front of me!"

"I can't believe she would do that, did she know?"  
"If she didn't before she does now, Ashley and Valerie were there and they both definitely know."

The entire next day I was cold to her every time I saw her. She didn't apologize that night when I asked to meet with her. Ashley had told her that I had Tourette's but Valerie told her to let me calm down before talking to me. That arguably made things worse.

"I didn't know that you had that. What I meant was that I get tics when I'm stressed out."

"Stress tics are different than Tourette's."

"And I didn't know that, I'm sorry."

"And all I wanted was an apology." I forgave her after explaining some misconceptions about Tourette's. Lia took another week to do the same.

"She didn't know."

"I'm still mad at her."

*Pah*

"Is that a new tic?" my band section leader asked.

"Yeah, it's vocal. It sucks." I said. *Pah* *Pah* *Pah*

"Too bad you can't keep time with that, would be useful."

I laughed.


End file.
